After I finished writing The Girl in the Red Boots: Making Peace with My Mother, I was urged to write a blog. Something inside me pulled back. I made excuses. I procrastinated. I resisted — big time. I kept wondering what would inspire me to write a blog… UNTIL:I accidentally sent my friend June an email containing an excerpt from my new book discussing the concept of “mother knows best.”
OOPS!
I emailed June explaining I had sent it to the wrong person, and within minutes, she wrote back, referencing both the excerpt and our shared technological blunders,
“Sometimes I think the more we try not to be like our mothers, the more we become like them!”
This quote aptly summarized her reaction to the excerpt, which featured the following quote:
“I’d vowed to mother my own children differently from the way I’d been mothered, unaware that we are unconsciously wired by our early childhood experiences. It would take me a long time to understand that even with hard work on ourselves, we are all prisoners prone to repeat the past. I had no way of knowing I would inadvertently follow in my mother’s footsteps, more than once.”
As I’ve often said, I began writing this book two years after my mother’s passing as a method of coping with my grief. However, as I delved into some of the haunting moments of our relationship, I realized that our experience was more nuanced than I once thought. In order to “make peace with my mother,” as the subtitle of my new memoir suggests, I had to dig deeper. That was the richest part of my writing experience: not only did I come to forgive her for her missteps but to forgive myself, as well. And by the way, I came to appreciate the ways we were more alike than I’d once cared to admit.
June’s words have stayed with me. And, there’s more. Ironically, this “mistake” gave shape to this blog I want to write. Life is filled with tiny moments and endless opportunities. Situations that appear one way can and do profoundly transform. Mysteries are continuously unfolding. All it takes is the intention to uncover what is hidden, the capacity to risk failure, and the stamina to start over.
Great blog