Many of us get stuck on previous hurts and wounds. We review old pain, often endlessly. I am very familiar with this syndrome: in fact, looking back at old, unresolved pain was my motivation in writing my last book, The Girl in the Red Boots: Making Peace with My Mother.
In my many years of writing and coming to terms with my own wounds, I was aware of The Negativity Bias, a concept from Neuroscience psychology: we are wired to remember the negative rather than the positive. While this Negativity Bias was a survival strategy for primitive humans (what would enhance a rabbit’s life: remembering the beautiful flowers at the river’s edge or the lion lurking in the forest? ) it is no longer essential for us, yet alas, it remains although we no longer live in the forest or the jungle. Unfortunately, this primitive wiring remains. This is simply the way, we humans, are wired.
To come to terms with old wounds, here’s an exercise that may help (it’s one of my favorites, you may recognize it from a previous newsletter):
Take a pause. Bring to mind an old or new painful experience.
Recognize what is going on, and just be with it
Allow the experience to be there, just as it is
Investigate with interest and self care
Nurture yourself with compassion
You can take your time and explore RAIN as a stand-alone meditation or move through the steps whenever challenging feelings arise.
