Making Peace with Your Parents: An Internal Process

The Girl in the Red Boots: Making Peace with My Mother is not only about mothers, it’s about all of us, sons and daughters making peace with our parents– fathers as well as mothers. In speaking with readers I am continually reminded that the yearning to make peace with our parents is universal. I receive so many questions and sorrowful observations from people who feel stuck:

• My mother was ice-cold
• My mother preferred my brothers
• My mother was clearly abusive
• I love my mother but…

Often a few simple questions help people reflect on their parents:

• I wonder where your mother learned to be so cold?
• I wonder why your mother preferred boys?
• I wonder who taught your mother to be abusive?

Questions like these often ignite reflections on how our parents came to be the people they were and in doing so, allows us to gain new awarenesses.

Making peace with a parent is possible for all of us, even when a parent is unwilling to change or was unable to understand your hurt. Making peace is an internal process: it has nothing to do with anyone else changing. When we dig down deep, it is possible to understand how our parents became who they were.

What’s critical is developing self-compassion. It is not necessary to forgive a parent, but in understanding them, we often develop compassion for them– and ourselves as well. I personally learned so much while writing my book so I urge you to consider joining one my of my writing classes—for further information check events on this website or email me at

Posted by Judy Rabinor in Blog, 0 comments