children

Helping Your Children Survive Divorce

Helping Your Children Survive Divorce

When it comes to discussing divorce with your children, you may be overwhelmed on where to begin. Plan the conversation ahead of time, thinking of questions the children may have and how you could answer them truthfully. It’s best if both parents could be present when talking to your children about divorce. A child will find security in that, although their home life will be changing, both parents are still going to be actively involved in the child’s activities and day-to-day life.

It likely goes without saying that this discussion is not the time for any snide remarks about the other parent. There are feeling of hurt and/or anger with every divorce, but it’s important to present a united front of the children. Starting off with the children knowing that mom and dad may not want to be married anymore, but your love for them has not changed. Continue reading →

Posted by Judy Rabinor in Co-Pareniting, 0 comments

10 Secrets To a Friendly Divorce

By Dr. Judith Ruskay Rabinor, Ph.D.

 

Fifty-two year old Rona arrived distraught and tearful to a recent therapy group I run. Her 31-year-old son Joey was getting married. Although he and his father were distant since the divorce decades earlier, and his father had lived across the country for years, Joey had decided he wanted to include his father in the wedding. Rona had been looking forward to this big day, but now she was filled with dread, anticipating feeling awkward, sad and alone.

Rona had been a devoted single parent. Now, she was conflicted. On the one hand, she knew her son’s desire to reunite with his father came from a deep longing. She wanted to honor his request. On the other hand, she hadn’t seen or spoken to her ex since Joey’s college graduation. Warren had left when Joey was young and only rarely and irregularly sent financial support. And now, he was remarried and Rona was not. Continue reading →

Posted by Judy Rabinor in Befriending After Divorce, 0 comments

Co-parenting After Divorce: Making it Work

Greg and Elana are divorced for three years. Greg wants to enroll his gifted thirteen year old son, Alfonso in a special program for musically talented children. His ex wife, Elana, objects: it’s too expensive. Greg and Elana can argue for their separate positions, each accusing the other of being too extravagant or too cheap, too selfish or too unrealistic. Or, they can do what all the research on divorce advises parents to do: Communicate in the spirit of compromise and collaboration.

But as most divorced parents will tell you, communication between exes after divorce is generally challenging. Not only are children overwhelmed by the turmoil of divorce, but one or both parents is apt to experience a host of complicated emotional responses, including sadness, guilt, anger and /or resentment. Learning to manage their emotional responses—in the midst of creating a new life—– is not easy. And creating a new co-parenting relationship with one’s ex  is yet another challenge. Continue reading →

Posted by Judy Rabinor in Befriending After Divorce, 1 comment